No Control
by Maelynn Meep
Summary: The regeneration's going wrong. I can't stop myself. This is a sort novelization of scenes from the christmas episodes. READ WHICH ONES INSIDE. Based on the feelins that come from change and no control. Some things are beyond our control... SPOILERS!


**No Control**

_By Tuba321_

**A/N:** I was bored and I had to take it out on somebody. So this is based on the feelings during the "Children in Need" short, "Christmas Invasion" and "Runaway Bride". Based on the feelings from change and control. Yeah... Three chapters long.

**Disclaimer:** (Sigh) Don't you know I don't own anything by now?

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_"Change alone is eternal, perpetual, immortal."_  
-- Arthur Schopenhauer

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**CHANGE**

**"N**ow then, what do I look like?" The Doctor asked his blonde companion happily, as if this was the best thing that had ever happened to him. She just stared at him, as if he was a lunatic. Before even realizing that she wasn't going to answer, he interrupted the silence. "No, no, no no, no no no no no no no. No." He added. "Don't tell me."

Rose looked completely out of her league, staring at him as if he had two heads.

Without really noticing her discomfort, the Doctor studied himself. "Let's see.. two legs, two arms, two hands..." He grabbed one of his wrists, circling. "Slight weakness in the dorsal tubercle..."

His hands flew to his head and the bush full of hair. "HAIR! I'm not bald!" He said with joy, grinning. He ran his hands through his hair gleefully. "Oh! Big hair!" Feeling the sideburns he added, delightedly. "Sideburns. I've got side burns." His voice went down a bit, with the air of a joke. "...or really bad skin."

He slapped his stomach. "Little bit thinner. That's weird. Give me time, I'll get used to it."

Stopping, he seemed to get into a happy seriousness. "I.. have got... amole. I can feel it."

Around now was the time to notice that Rose was looking beyond scared right then, but the Doctor was oblivious.

"Between my shoulder blades, there's a _mole._" He rotated his shoulder with a smile and looked at Rose. "That's alright. Love the mole." His grin broadened. "Go on then tell, me."

He stood up straighter in front of Rose, ready for comments, his hair wild. "What d'you think?"

"Who are you?" Asked Rose quietly, afraid.

He looked slightly surprised, his good mood spoiled. "I'm the Doctor."

She shook her head, obviously not believing him. "No. Where is he? Where's the Doctor?" Her voice rose slightly. "What have you done to him."

The Doctor looked absolutely flabbergasted. "You saw me, I-I changed..." He stuttered, and then pointed his thumb over his shoulder to the spot where he regenerated. "...right in front of you."

Rose didn't take this for a second. "I saw him sort of explode, and then you replaced him, like a... a teleport or a transmat or a body swap or something."

He didn't interject. He was honestly at a lost for words. In all truth, he had never had this sort of problem. And of all people. Rose should know him by personality by now. The shock hit his brain so hard that he couldn't really _think_. He just watched as Rose cautiously took a few steps and pushed him on the chest.

"You're not fooling me."

Not believing what he was hearing, he rocked back and forth on his heels. This was a dilemma; Rose not knowing or believing who he was?

"I've seen all sorts of things. Nano genes, Gelth." She stared at him darkly, as if expecting him to hand her a signed confession. "Slitheen."

He raised his eyebrow. _'Is she serious?'_ He thought.

But she looked a bit more afraid then anything. "Oh, my God, are you a Slitheen?"

He'd gotten his bearings around now, he said calmly. "I am not a Slitheen."

Seemingly ignoring that, her voice gradually rose to a shout. "Send him back. I'm warning you, send the Doctor back right now!"

His hearts nearly broke. "Rose it's me." He pleaded. He leaned forward, trying to make it clear that he was dead serious. "Honestly, it's me."

Rose just stared, breathing fast.

"I was dying. To save my own life I changed my body. Every single cell, but... it's still me." He explained, hoping she'd beleive him.

"You can't be." She whispered.

He stepped closer to her, each step with purpose, looking straight into her eyes. "Then how could I remember this? Very first words I ever said to you. Trapped in that cellar. Surrounded by shop window dummies. Oh..." He looked away a moment, remembering. "...suck a long time ago. I took your hand..." He took her hand, just like he did when they first met. She glanced down for a moment before looking up at his face. "I said one word... just one word, I said _'Run!_'"

He stared at her, waiting for the revelation. She looked close to tears. "Doctor." She whispered.

He grinned gently. "Hello."

Rose sighed and backed off as what just happened truly hits her. The Doctor jumped off around the other side of the console.

"And we never stopped did we?" He said loudly. "All across the universe. Running, running, running..." He dramatically flicked a few switches. "One time we had to hop." He turned to her, grinning with the memory. "Do you remember? Hopping for our lives!" He started hopping up and down on the spot.

Rose just leaned against the pillar and watched him like he was mad.

"Yeah? All that hopping? Remember hopping for your life? Yeah?! Hop?" The enthusiasm was slowed down by Rose's lack of reaction. He stilled. "No?"

"Can you change back?" Asked Rose.

"Do you want me to?" He replied, the shock not settling yet.

"Yeah."

"Oh." He blinked a few times with disappointment.

She seemed to notice. "Can you?"

"No." He answered honestly, his tone emotionless but his face showing other wise. He stared at the ground. "Do you want to leave?" He asked quietly, hoping that the answer was _no_. He didn't feel like being alone again.

Rose looked shocked. "Do you _want_ me to leave?"

"No!" He said quickly. _'No. No no no no no no!'_ "But... your choice.. if you want to got home..."

She looked upset and he ran to the console.

"Cancel Barcelona. Change to... London, the Powell Estate... Ah... let's say the twenty-fourth of December." He looked at her with a fraction of a smile. "Consider it a Christmas present." He continued to focus on the console as Rose edged closer near to him.

"There." He hit the last button and stepped back, folding his arms in a sort of defensive manner. The TARDIS shuddered as it accepted this change in direction

"I'm going home?" Questioned Rose cautiously.

He shrugged. "Up to you. Back to your mum. It's all waiting. Fish and chips, sausage and mash, beans on toast--" He interrupted himself, remembering something. "No, Christmas! Turkey. Although..." He said with a serious tone. "having met you mother... nut loaf would be more appropriate."

Rose turned her head, hiding a small smile.

"Was that a smile?"

"No." She looked dismissive.

"That was a smile..." He said knowingly.

"No it wasn't."

He grinned teasingly. "You smiled..."

"No I didn't."

"Oh, come on, all I did was change, I didn't--" He gagged, interrupting his own sentence. The TARDIS shuddered around them.

"What?" Asked Rose.

He looked as if that didn't happen. "I said I didn't--" He was interrupted by his gagging again as the TARDIS rumbled. This time, both were more violent. He coughed roughly. "Uh oh..."

Rose moved towards the console slowly. "Are you alright?"

All of a sudden the Doctor breathed out and some golden energy flowed out.

"What's that?" Asked Rose, feeling scared.

"Oh." He looked up before turning back to her. "The change is going a bit wrong." He coughed again, falling to his knees, looking pained.

She rushed over to him, trying to figure this out. "Maybe we should go back. Let's go and find Captain Jack, he'd know what to do."

The idea was simply absurd to the Doctor. He said impatiently. "He's busy! Got plenty to do rebuilding the earth!" He saw a particular lever on the console. "I haven't' used this one in years."

And then things went mad.

**CONTROL**

He flicked the lever and immediately the TARDIS shuddered violently, causing both of them to nearly lose their footing.

"What're you doing!?" Rose shouted at him.

He didn't care, but inside he was yelling the same thing on himself. Still he heard himself. "Putting on a bit of speed! That's it!" He yelled crazily. He turned more knobs as Rose tried to not fall over. "My _beautiful_ ship! Come on, faster! That's a girl!"

Rose was alarmed.

The Doctor looked, and sounded violent and insane. All the while questioning what was happening to him in his mind. "Faster! Want to break the time limit?!" He flipped another switch.

"Stop it!" Rose commanded, angry but still scared.

Nastily but still crazed, he added. "Ah, don't be so dull--let's have a bit of fun! Let's _rip_ thought that vortex!" He caught her eye and calmed down to normal. "The regeneration's going wrong. I can't stop myself." His inner voice was getting through, even through the opposition was terrible. It cost him.

He hanged his head in pain. "Ah, my head..."

He jumped back up to a standing position again, his crazed and psychotic attitude coming back. "Faster! Let's open those engines!"

A loud, shrilling bell, rung repeatedly.

Rose looked around, obviously frightened. "What's that?"

He jumped over next to her. "We're gonna crash land!" He sounded delighted and laughed psychotically.

"Well, then do something!" She was shouting at him, trying to get her voice over the sound of the bell.

His voice rose hysterically. "Too late! Out of control!" He ran around the console. "Oh, I love it! Hot dawg!" He hoped in the air excitedly.

"You're gonna kill us!" The real Doctor inside the insane one knew that that could be a very real possibility. But, unable to command himself to say so, all he did was shout happily. "Hold on tight. Here we go!" He grinned madly. "Christmas eve!"

**TBC...**

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**A/N:** Heh. I know it's probably a bit hard to follow but, this, basically, represents the feelings during the moments of change and the feelings during a moment where things are out of control during each of the three episodes.

PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!


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